| quick thoughts slow down |
[Jul. 8th, 2005|08:45 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | i left you for my space | ] |
Warm bodies pressed up against cold hearts
the propetual process starts
to find mising parts
rational actions
upon second reaction
are found essential
despite desperate ones
old paths now leading to new doors
through this metamorphasis
i insist on clinging to old ways
mimiced reaction
coupled with unknowing reasonings
all i need is enough
its all ive ever wanted
but how much is that
at what cost is is won
and why cant i just have it |
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| Poker Face |
[Jul. 8th, 2005|08:42 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | i left you for my space | ] |
He holds all the right cards
a little low in one hand
hesitant to play them it seems
saving them with no intent
fumbbling about them nervously
mubbling to himself
suduction,the name of the game
in an ideal dynamic
he would be an ace
without his morals or values
instead he sits the king of hearts
dagger sunk deep in his head
driven insane by his own maddess
on his own accord
bent up and down and out
out of shape
caught up on his hang ups
theses things only he sees
they aren't even there
his face blank
though the look in his eyes seems unmistakable
allways showing a bit to much insight
but only a bit
his emotion flawed through expression
a strong sure face
they're sure of it
his eyes are they're weakness
his eyes give way straight to his soul
but only to those who truly do see
his eyes give him away
such deadly devices
posing duel threat
they think they know how to see
and thats just what he wants
they're blind
its all a bluff
he's known all along
hes lured them in close
and now he moves in for his kill
he strikes quick and precise
its the last think anyone thought
or expected for that matter
the last thing they think
and the last think they thought
I'm done for |
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| Titled:Stagnant |
[Jul. 4th, 2005|12:46 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | i left you for my space | ] |
I write
I wish I could right wrongs
I wish I could create beautiful things
I have the will
I have
I will
and i do
I know everything you think I dont
and nothing
you think i do
nothing
I dont do what I've been told
I tell you
I cant
I wont
I'd rather die today
before tomorrow
and know
I lived my life
for who i was
for who I am
for what it was
for what it is
what was it worth
was i true to myself
atleast more than once
upon a time
I sit
I sat
I understood
and now I stand
still
to wait
inbetween my thought
I see what I've seen
what I know to be me
it is a beauty
it gives me hope
but still
nothing
and nothing |
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| i dreamed it |
[May. 23rd, 2005|08:05 am] |
Calm and collected at times,
these words could win a war,
but I've found them lost as myself.
Entering heads through ears,
empty and hollow.
Filling false hopes turned dreams,
these visions of nothing.
Breathe life into me sweet love,
for I feel this self dying. |
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| I'm a card! |
[May. 22nd, 2005|09:33 am] |
| [ | music |
| | ~the faint~agenda suicide! | ] |
Boy did i get drunk last night,i love rum and SHENANIGANS!call me for free booze and goodtimes before they run out!that is all!
 |
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| UNRESTRAINED |
[May. 20th, 2005|03:45 pm] |
old lies and new ones
shes turned me into quite the monster
if anything,this was the wrong move
nothing where it counts, or when
i listen to what i can let myself hear
its really much better if i dont
so close next to me,but i make it so shes not even there
its all i can do not to scream,
i just want this to be over
a truly poorly formed case
such a bright girl,such a bright room
it helps one to see this for what it is,or what it was ever even worth
no eye contact,not a glance,we're strangers,we allways were
a room fills with hate
i feel eyes upon my back
i close mine and step outside myself with a sigh
things are in my favor
nothing is imminent,not even impending
soon this thing will be blown wide open,and the stupidity of it all will come gushing out in gallons
i can tell she feels stupid by the tone of her voice
i allmost feel sorry for her
but then again i dont
chance after chance,i dont think she understands
the verdict drops heavy and true
god it feels so good to be right
even better that she has to realize that i am |
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| WRITE A POEM AS FAST A YOU CAN! DO IT! |
[May. 17th, 2005|10:18 pm] |
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I've never seen a fire start, without a single flame, Nor have i seen a storm begin with out a drop of rain. i see beginings begin at ends,beging all the same. I stop to think,but only laugh. This life is just a game. |
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| NATURAL DISASTER..yeah theres typos,,,wanna fight about it? |
[May. 5th, 2005|10:57 am] |
ok i cant figure out why the text is formatting like soo...so yeah...?
Did anyone else get caught in the flood yesterday,i spent like a half hour trying to wait the rain out..,(rain by the way ...quite patient!) before making a mad dash towards my destination,until that is the street flooded..there was atleast a foot of various matter and water..it was such an adventure,i decided to try and sneak through stayin close to buildings and taking cover when possible,i ran into alot of others doing the same
thing,there was definetly a odd sense of panic a childish playfulness in the air,which pleased me very
much so...
i ended up at cue ball where there was a professional pool player who was doing a trick show..i sat down
and stripped of my wet layers to be rung out,and tryed to think warm dry thoughts...this guy was
amazing,total hustler,and i dont even really like pool..Then about midway through his performance i noticed the giant creatures head mounted on the wall behind me,i stared into its lifeless glass eyes as if it they were real and wondered,then i saw that the roof was leaking so i went to inform the frosty white old man at the front desk..i was really shocked that in a pool hall,with so man pool enthusiasts that not one of them would have expressed a concern for the table and it well being,people just dont care about things like that anymore,why take 2 seconds out of my day to be directtoward a single seemingly meaningless noble action of kindness,nobody is human anymore,americas new catchphrase ,its not my problem..so i told him and returned to my seat for the rest of the show,,he arrived shortly after with a large metal pot to solve
the problem and thanked me once again..at this point the half pint of rum in my pocket was begining to
burn a hole,thankfully the show was soon over and i departed with my friend who i neglected to mention
tell now,but i assure you he was there,and not just another figment of my imagination.
so we headed back towards the capital building and i never new this but over near willamete library i think it was there is a circle of the some of the most tall standing wise and powerful trees i have ever seen,and in the middle if you look up,the space the cut from the sky forms a freakin pentagram,i'm totally going back to sacrifice something to a god...yes..i most certainly am! So i fished of the rum with some
help from mister dr.pepper and busted out the chilum to smoke sum herbs,but just then a group of elderly
people touring the school campus entered the clearing inside the circle of trees..and this next part isfreaken hilarious,,well to me at least!..my friend mike pretended to be a very knowledgable of the school and the area and spouted off line after line of random and very falsified information,he said,i say it with confidence,and they dont know any better,so thatmakes me right,ohh if life was only that easy,or
if more people were that beliving..i'd have a fucking field day..with three legged races and everything...bring beer!
so at this point i was ready to kill a man for the warmth of his jacket,so decided rather than commiting
homicide,i could just go home,so i wandered around downtown aimlessly like so many in salem do waiting for
the bus,but it actually wasn't as congested as usally due tothe recent little flash flooding,so i was in
a suprisingly pleasant mood,then we went to the bus station and upon enterance a a voice spouted from a small group of young vato's,"HEY look at this tweeker in the green shirt",sorry kids i dont need a fight,i know thats what you want,but i got enough legal problems as is,and dont need multiple charges of asault to boot! so i swallowed my pride,it didn't even taste that bad..we left and in the back of my head,the reckless side of me(wich i surfaces far to often)wanted them to follow,and i think they might have if not for the two on police officers standing close by...so i sat down,i waited,i stood up,and sat down again.
the next time i opened my eyes all i saw was a reflection of a tired self and i was allmost at my stop,i
love how peacefull a late night bus ride can be sometimes,besides the young couple drinking in the back of
the bus,who i'm quite sure were having some sorta oral sex later during the bus ride.here it is,my stop,i
got off,and treaded down the large hill holding back the weight of my body as my feet hit heavily on the ground,i parted ways of my friend and went home,,well then what i did,well thats none of your business,but
i assure you it was nothing more important than any of this,atleast! GO OUT AND LIVE LIFE! |
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| I live an hour and a half in the future! |
[May. 4th, 2005|09:27 am] |
Ummm..hey...hey guys...i drank some beer last night..i drank ALOT of beer last
night..and rum...rum too..thats two different kinds of trouble...I smoked stuff
to...this makes me cool..maybe even cooler than you?whoever that is i'm directing
this at..i not quite sure.I set of an alarm..i was trying to be a cat burglar..but
i wasn't gunna steal anythings...anythings or STUFF..the alarm was loud..really
loud..so i ran..i ran away
So umm yeahhh..so theres ants in my keyboard,umm its there home now,i think i might
be disturbing them. I cant help but watching them,skitter about(not to sure thats
a word?),from key to key,across and forth,in frantic desperation to avoid impending
doom as my fingers crunch down heavily and seemingly random to form electric words
that prove most deadly to ants in this way or another. It is definite that i have
disturbed them,they have now become enraged,and also quite bothersome. I think i
shall kill them..none shall be spared..kill them all..I dont care how horribly
organized or efficient they might be,or how many times themselves the they may
carry..i'll kill them all.well most of them,maybe some of them,or none of them,
(except for the the occasional unlucky ant and an accident),maybe later
So i decided last night in a mist of drunkenness and others that i want to be an
animator or somehow involved in the creation and production of an animated show,or
something? I had a really long and insight ful(or at least it seemed at the time)
conversation with an old friend from early on in high school,we were in an english
class together where the teacher selected him,another,and myself to be part of a
special group within the class were we would focus more on writing stories and
poetry rather than learning adjectives and adverbs. BElive it or not guys i used to
be really smart,an i still kinda sorta am,its just fading do to lack of a further
education,man i miss learning.Anyways he's an aspiring writer and we decided with
powers combined we could,nay can,create a show,and it would be fucking ridiculously
hilarious,and great,it would be great,with greatness,and great stuff,and things.
(are you ready for this}At the very least we owe this, such a small token of
appreciation ,for such a such a large array of talent and creativity,with which we
both have been blessed.
Then i realized what i was saying ,which i often do at points in time,and in-turn
realized how drunk i actually was,and that this all was much much harder than it
sounded,that made me feel depressed so i changed the topic to something more light
hearted as to remain in my induced state of merriment. Isn't it funny how sometimes
when people are drunk they are actually more motivated to to something(but most the
time actually never do it) Than when they are dead cold sober,i mean i understand
the whole added confidence due to arrogance part,but the rest is lost on me.you
would think the opposite to make more sense,at least i do ...think..i
do..sometimes,but others i just stare of into a vast and nameless space,thoughts of
possibilities possible swimming and swirling through and through out my head
swerving only to connect at the final last and most crucial moment.I'm gonna go
brush my teeth. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 1st, 2005|10:58 am] |
|
PROMISES WRITTEN ELGANTLY IN WATER OF AN UNDYING CONDITIONAL LOVE,HOW TRUE IN HOPES,IN DREAMS IT NEVER SEE'S! THIS ANCHOR WEIGHTS A SOUL DOWN,OR DOES LISENCE IT TO SOAR? EVERYTHING GIVEN BUT A LOVE ASKED IN RETURN,IN EXCHANGE,FOR WHAT? |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 1st, 2005|10:01 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | fill in the blank_________ | ] |
| [ | music |
| | NIN-w/ TEETH | ] |
CAN ANYTHING GIVE ME THE
STRENGTH
TO ACCEPT THAT WHICH
I CAN NOT CHANGE, SOMETHING...SOMEBODY,ANYBODY.
GIVE ALL AND EVERYTHING ! |
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| GOOD FOR A SERIOUS LAF! NO SPELL CHECK,SORRY |
[Apr. 27th, 2005|07:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | holy crap! | ] |
| [ | music |
| | THE FAINT-posed to death | ] |
THE FOLLOWING ARE EXERTS FROM MY NOT SO UNRECENT "NITE ON THE TOWN"! eNJOI
- "HE SAID HE HAD HAD A SKATEBOARD ACCiDENT THAT HAD CAUSED HIM TO HAVE A CONCUSSION 1 YEAR AGO. HE SAID THE ONLY LINGERING EFFECT WAS HE HAD A BAD MEMORY ,BUT THEN SAID HE COULD REMEMBER ANYTHING I TOLD HIM AND CHALLENGED ME TO TELL HIM SOMETHING."(does that last part make any sense to anybody)
- "I ASKED IF HE FELT THE EFFECT OF THE ALCOHOL. HE SAID" I'M NOT DRUNK ENOUGH TO MAKE IT HOME""(ok,that one,freakin priceless)
- "DURING THE INSTRUCTION STAGE REED SAID"I COULDN'T DO THIS IF I WAS SOBER!" DURING THE INSTRUCTION STAGE REED COULD NOT KEEP HIS BALANCE,STEPPED OF LINE REPEATEDLY,AND WAVED HIS ARMS IN AN AIRPLANE LIKE FASHION.HE TOOK 29 STEPS INITIALLY. NONE OF THE STEPS WERE HEEL TO TOE.(well that one kinda sux...sorry)
- "WHILE ENROUTE TO THE JAIL,REED CURSED ME NON-STOP,CALLING ME A "FAGGOT" AND TELLING ME HOW I LIKED TO HAVE SEX WITH MEN. tHE DISPARGING REMARKS CONTINUED ALL THE WAY TO THE JAIL,WITH REED'S APPARENT HOMOPHOBIA BEING THE PRIMARY RECURRING THEME."(Ii honestly dont remeber that part,either that or they made it up...me homophobic..noway...i love gay people..i mean like..did that make me sound gay...I"M NOT GAY!)
- HE MADE THE STATEMENT" I HAD ENOUGH TO GET ME FUCKED UP"IN REFERENCE TO THE CLEAR SPRINGS HE HAD ADMITTED TO DRINKING.(short and sweet)
- "YOUR NOT COOL" "YOUR FAGGOT"(shorter and sweeter...those 2 must have really hurt their feelings!)
- "I EXITED MY PATROL CAR TO SEE THAT REED THE DRIVER AND SOLE OCCUPANT HAD ALLREADY CRAWLED INTO THE BACK OF THE VEHICLE AND WAS IN THE PROCESS OF GETTING OUT OF THE PASSENGER SLIDER DOOR. I ASKED HIM WHAT HE WAS DOING,AND HE ACTED SUPRISED TO SEE ME. AS I BEGAN TO SPEAK WITH REED,SEVERAL CITIZENS APPROACHED AND SAID REED HAD BEEN DRIVING RECKLESSLY"(several)
- "I DETECTED A STRONG ODOR OF AN UNKNOWN ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE EMANATING FROM HIS PERSON/BREATH. THIS SUPPRISED ME AS IT WAS VERY WINDY."(and i,very drunk!)
- "aFTER TAKING REED INTO CUSTODY HE BECAME RESISTIVE AND STARTED TO PULL AWAY FROM ME. I TOLD HIM TO STOP RESISTING TO NO AVAIL. i LOOKED AND SAW THE HANDCUFF ON REED'S RIGHT WRIST WAS NOT PROPERLY FITTED. I LOOSENED THIS CUFF TO ADJUST HIS HAND AND REED PULLED HIS HAND OUT OF THE HANDCUFF. HE TRIED TO PULL HIS RIGHT ARM AWAY FROM ME"(i may not remember everything,but i remember that part..there was no loosening!..only tightening!)
- "oFFICER ZENTER RECIEVED A SLIGHT ABRASION TO HER LEFT KNEE AS RESULT OF THE RESIST. IRECIEVED A SLIGHT ABRASION TO MY RIGHT KNEE AND AN INJURY TO MY LEFT ELBOW.BOTH INJURIES CAUSED PAIN STILL FELT AT 0200 ON 03-20-05."(cops are such pussies..watch out everyone i might cause you to scrape your kness..boo woo..pussies!ohh yeah although only 2 cops got"hurt" ther was a grand total of 5..to detain a drunk guy in handcuffs...they also tasored me as i was getting dragged to the car by all 5 of them!
- "HE SAID HE GOT OFF WORK AT 2200 PM.THIS WAS @ABOUT 2020 HRS."(lol...what can i say..i live in the future...its a curse!)
- "HE MAD AN ABRUPT LANE CHANGE INBETWEEN CARS WITH LITTLE MORE THAN A CAR LENGTH OF SPACE MISSING THE OTHER CAR BY INCHES"(go speadracer GO!)
- "OFC. JOHNSON APPLIED THE TASOR AND REED FINALLY COMPLIED"(i got freakin' tasored)
Ther's alot more,mostly details,ok i'm sick of typing...i'm gunna read this a couple more times...they're sayin a buncha stuff happened at the station when it actually happened at the site of the incedent,i dont know how that may help me if it will at all..but as things stand,my plea bargain is a 12500.00 fine, 48 hours in jail, attend a victim impact panel,alchohol assesment and treatment(again,i'll allways be a troubled soul,few have been able to truly help me heal these wounds,but none of them stick around for long,and i dont blame them!..ok okay i'm ranting!)and 40 hours of community service.(i hate community service,i'd rather die than help people...lol..hmmmmm?)so if i accept that i avoid the charges of the open container,the reckless driving,and the refusaul to submit to a breathalizer test...they stress to keep in mind that the maximum sentence for a DUI is 6500.00 and up to a year in jail...wow sounds like a super deal guys,but excuse me if i dont jump right on it.I'm pleading insanity!I'm freakin crazy
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| yo yo YO!!! YO YO!!! |
[Apr. 13th, 2005|05:57 pm] |
These NiggaZ,They try and play mE, Like a violiN, Or a cellO, I'm like, BITCH, Hell nO!  |
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